'Whispers of the Most high''

 When it seems everyone's doing something in there life but you.. Everyone's getting in a relationship, Engaged, Married, Having kids, Moving out, Traveling, getting a Job, And your left with None of that,, And as many times as you Hear it's not your Season, Doesn't make it Easy at all, Some People Believe in the ' When it's time it will,happen ,I believe in the'' If you make it Happen it will come Unfortunately, Everything  is in the way of me making anything happen for me, right now it's irritating, job, Realationship. So the Way I'd make it happen isn't the way everyone goes, But at least I'd have something going on in life, I'd be trying, After learning the Wrong ways to go on your own.  You learn better ways to go on your Own After a few slip ups, and mine were never supposed to get out, You learn better ways And that would be Great if I could just be able to learn myself,Teach myself, As an adult it's irritating,,,, as a kid...

This will be a Blog getting the Words out '' Wasn't Enough,And Never will be, I'm sure a lot of other Atypicals and None, Atypicals feels like this and nothing Adds up I don't mean to put ' I' In it it's Clear it's meaning that to just haven't had it in me to Clearify, But we're all Not Enough, I'm back to being Stuck in a Apartment with a 69 year old and a 65 year old No before I wasn't Moved out either, But I was    trying before the Car hit me, I was putting hour's.     At a Teen Center too  And Greeting at my Home church So my irritation lays here why didn't the Man upstairs Reward me? For the Time I put in? To what they call Ministry Why wasn't I Enough, He Rewards countless People when they are Faithful Yes I was Nieve, And did something stupid but was it that big of a Deal, I didn't go Knowingly,, Not only did I Screw up being Rewarded, But the Term Minstry leaves a bad taste in my mouth Not just due to one inci...

 Season's come and go, Scary Really, My Season is Now I am Fully Recovered, Fun,Not Really 2018 I had a lot of Independence, Little did I know then I Didn't appreciate it enough I ended up trading it all for a little more than, Just going to School, Yes now I can say. It was just a hookup, I was motivatied to take classes to... for Public Speaking, I had my life figured out a little bit but I lost Focus, I found someone I thought was Worthy to be around! I'm sure you Ladies understand,Life is not fair, I liked him, but it ended with me in the Hospital and Sneaking  around, Got me hit by a Car.. Please Laugh, if not be safe still,,,Your Worth is not Determined by a Guy or Girl, I lost everything for someone who didn't even like me,,And the Games weren't even that fun,  ACNH is More Fun, A little more cute, and more kid Friendly, Might be why no one around me likes it haha So as I said I'm Recovered now, From a Brain bleed, Unfortunately I can recall everything th...

 I'm on med's and I Realized something while talking to my mom How often do we want a exit the Ugly? Like me i want a job but  i wanna exit from wanting one and not being able to have one and in this world  it can be so  easy to take something to dumb that down even if not really needed I Don't  need med's to sleep  at night, But it's much easier to  get to sleep if your on some  Med's (  Escape from reality) if needed med's are a good thing if not needed it's a fine thing to do, take something cause reality can be a ugly thing, My dad has to do it Due  to his Weak  Heart it's                   Working, it's helping might be a little annoying but Reality can be annoying too, Ugly and Annoying............................

   q     q1233l IT'S LIKE I SAY SUPPORT  ME DAILY!!  We've all had Dreams before, But whatever Dream I had in the past is inside the Door I'm stuck knocking at, And I want nothing more cause though it's just a door it opens and holds my World, You see me here, But only from your View,She Screams Bullet proof, As she walks inwardly yet still Fears falling in a Dark hole all it is Black she hates Black it reminds her of her past, But she's not staying there, The people around just don't see like she does, If I admitted I always Feared, Was always Depressed trying to impress them All my high school year's I spent there and the Mockery only brought me Closer in, Even though you could see it Wearing on my Skin and Bones I simply Didn't care, I was Depressed and in fact Fell in Love with it, At a young Age I figured Why should I Change Change Meant I needed it, And I don't need anything in my own little world it's all under my Control or though I had T...

 Admitting to Failure's, It's Needed, It's a Game changer, Sometimes it may not Feel like it Matter's to Admit our Downfall's at all, I Struggle Constantly with it  Even in our Community, In order to Work, In order to make a Family, Make a living, or just Get By we Need to Admit, When Even the Lord,  Himself  Allowed  so much  limitation on job More then anyone Could Think of I'm Disabled so I'm gonna Speak here to, Power of Admitting for us, Mindset Mindset matter's to, Forgive, Let live, Do what you need to do,     Jesus He didn't give in to any of it,  Jesus was Fast at Forgiveness So I Need to look in me now, Who can I not  Forgive two? Jesus Forgave me,Like I Have to Forgive Him for who he Created me to be,, If you say Lord Forgive me, In all,And any situation's    You Gotta Mean it, That take's us all  a little Deeper and Closer to his Kingdom  I Have had the Hardest time wanting to Admit, and Rea...

 Let's Talk on miscommunication's,Misinformation! When you talk to Someone and it seem's like it's not being understood,  Like they didn't Hear you, Cause they Didn't.. failure to communicate adequately.Ruin's  Fun, Ruin's  Relationship's,Ruin's everyday life, If your Anything like me your be getting in Fight's with Family due to it,,,Sister's Brother's, Mom,Dad and the Smallest Act that tell's you'' Missunderstood''  you wanna make your point Knowen that you've been Misunderstood,   A Misunderstanding, Your Controler comes out  to? You  End up Controling the Fight too, instead of saying, I Was Misunderstood, But it's not Worth it to make my point knowen; We retalliate, We Think of way's to get it to make our point Clear    Was it Worth it!! God didn't Care In fact God died a Painful Death for our  Misunderstanding's!!!! Someone we can alway's come back too. Someone who will alway's unde...

Before I Write I Wanna say Sorry to All who like me who are Disabled To me Disability was just  a Flaw we have, Just a Mistake,  Just a Failure in God's Handiwork wasn't Anything that Could be Used for Good, But I've had some Hard thinking, Some may  put it Wake up Call's and the only Word that Comes to Mind now is 'Strong, Able,  Strength, Love, Brave,  I Was  one who put Disabled people Down just as those who put me down in High school, I Became one And I Had too see that ugliness in me At 21, 21 year's of that Ugly Mindset, Our Mindset is power to All Reading, The Mind I Believe is where it all Start's Hah, I Don't want that Taking over Anymore,   And I want us all to have that Right mindset. Looking back on my Life I Only Regret How I Responded.  I'm Mild,C-p, Ataxia, Type, Also little Autism is there I Don't Wanna Continue  not being Willing to look at Fact's, I Was Unwilling to look into my Disability's till after I Had ...

Right here in this Season Calmness is Everything, Staying Calm,Cool and Colactive but Why in this Season Does it  Feel Harder, More TESTING MORE TRYING.  Here's Where we Learn, When it's Hard, Hot, Heavy,  And Yes, Messy, When Nothing you say Sound's Good. Don't let it Control you, This Season is a, Lack of Understanding Season a Lack of us being Able to Control life, It's a Messy War!! If your a Control Person you Get what I'm saying, The Thing's you Use to Pull off, No Longer Work's, When you use to be Able to Control your Dog going out the Door, And now you Just sit back,let it go, Cause you don't Care and you Don't feel like you have the time to CARE anymore, As you Hold your Little Girl yet she Continues Crying And Fanilly all the Milk spill's Over, And You just don't Feel like Cleaning any of it up. And that's Where we all Need to be to get over this a little Less Focused on Keeping thing's  all Good, It's ok not to...

So I'm Sure you all are Troubled by How this hasn't Ended yet, And at the Beginning of this Lockdown I was just so not there and now I'm there Feeling everything  all at Once.   It's getting hard just to wanna get up, But  I can say it would be Harder for me if the Starbuck's near me was not Open!! But Thankfully God  knew I NEEDED THAT!!!  As we Approach May, Where it's said to be Re-Opening, Come May, I'd like to Write on something I believe is what we are to get out of this Lesson that's,  Community being so needed, Letting other's know your Appreciative of them, their Work,  Friend, Coworker, Family Member!~! Cause it's about Teamwork,  Keeping Bonded Through all the high's and low's of life and this has Been the Biggest Lesson for every State, Are  we a State Welling to Liston we can go back to how everything was, With our Fancy Car and House, High paying job,  Mainly Focusing on our and our Family's Need's, O...

As we Focus on our Safety!! Let's Focus on the one who gave it!!       Jesus sent his disciples ahead into the city to prepare a meal to celebrate Passover. Passover is the remembrance of Israel being freed from slavery to Egypt and specifically when the angel of death passed over the homes of the Israelites that had lambs blood over the doors. As the disciples reclined and ate dinner with Jesus, he explained to them that one of the twelve of them would soon betray him. One by one the disciplines denied that it would be them, including Judas who would be the betrayer. Jesus responded that the person who betrays him will have a terrible fate and that indeed, it was Judas. Jesus prayed and thanked God for the meal. He then broke the bread and shared the wine with the disciples and explained to them how the bread was a symbol of his body, broken for them, and the wine a symbol of his blood which would be poured out for their sins to be forgiven. This is where the...

When you can't change the Direction of the Wind Adjust your Sails MAX DEPREE~  From one Control Girl to another (or Dude) Feeling like you Need Control is not from God To be honest the other day, Family Was Fighting and I felt like I was being Some Peace Maker when Really I've taken it on myself to have the Responsibility to End a Fight Taking Control over what you CAN'T EVER Control Lead's to Destruction not Satisfaction! being  A Go- Between is not a Godly thing Being Sold out for God!! Is, Submitting to Him and His Plan's for your  Life  even when you don't like  it, You, Feel like you Deserve more, When Really we Deserve Nothing, God Deserve's it all, Is Worthy  of  it all!! Once we get that, We don't Deserve any of this,  We'll Start To Cultivate a Purposeful Attitude. And we all Need that in life, We all have to,  Choose to Focus on Truth, HIS TRUTH  REGARDLESS  OF OUR WANT'S!!! If we  ...