Revival of the Disabled

 

 q    q1233l

IT'S LIKE I SAY SUPPORT  ME DAILY!!  We've all had Dreams before, But whatever Dream I had in the past is inside the Door I'm stuck knocking at, And I want nothing more cause though it's just a door it opens and holds my World, You see me here, But only from your View,She Screams Bullet proof, As she walks inwardly yet still Fears falling in a Dark hole all it is Black she hates Black it reminds her of her past, But she's not staying there, The people around just don't see like she does, If I admitted I always Feared, Was always Depressed trying to impress them All my high school year's I spent there and the Mockery only brought me Closer in, Even though you could see it Wearing on my Skin and Bones I simply Didn't care, I was Depressed and in fact Fell in Love with it, At a young Age I figured Why should I Change Change Meant I needed it, And I don't need anything in my own little world it's all under my Control or though I had Thought, Really I lost it a while back, Nothing I took in life was Healthy for me, And I went after it still I crave it to this Day to be Upfront since the Girl who was Young wanted it, I still did at 20 I kept looking for something Wrong with me, But nothing is and ever was, I was just a Mild cerebral palsy Victum, With Autism

 And now  I’m ok with this , Before I didn't know, At childhood I felt more Alone, Even growing up in a Family of 10, And being the only one with  Mild,Cerebral palsy Ataxia and Slight Autism,I was to aware of it all, I prayed for this one thing Daily,it  Was To get my Intelligence level down, And Mental Wave, There i was Jogging across the Street. I saw a car chasing me, And I was trying to out run it, Like I did with everything in Life I Guess I was alway's Strongwilled,   that ended in  a Brain Injury....As a Child, I was put in Physicul Theripy, my Parent's made me a little Opsicule course outside,  around the age of 3..When I was Concieved, My mom didn't  want me put on   Med's Witch I'm Thankful to her for!! Their was this Boy Were I lived, around 9 year's old, He of Course liked me,But I just didn't Understand why He was the way He was, His Mom told us he had Autism and He was on Med's for it, This black, Boy who Knocked on my Door Daily wanting to Hangout with me, I saw myself in Him!!  So I Resisted playing with him, And instead played with the Kids who  soon Learned how  do Bully me, I Recall it so Clearly a group of everyone who I Played with Deciding to use my Speech-Impediment, To Condemn  me for not Speaking like them, This one Girl Stood up for me and I soon Learned from that Moment on, I was Different, Then in a store my Two   Sister’s stood up for me.cause this girl was picking on me. I couldn't be like the other's but I Was gonna Deny myself the right to be me, Year's after I Spend time after time trying to Fit in,Not to Stand out Alway's, I did it the most in my Family of Course,At the  Beginning, Times  of Running out  the House Screaming across the Street's,Why was that my Action's,Because I Craved to be Normal, If Normal was anything but Me.I wanted it, To me,I was not Disabled, Nor did I wanna Hear the Word's Spoken, It was enough, Being in Hospital's ever so oftin, Cause I  got hurt so much, Around age 9, I got to join my Sister's at the Beach, I was so Happy to be out doing something with my Sister's, Life was Hard,My Parent's didn't make a lot of Money, So we didn't do a lot of Stuff, Requiring a huge amount of Gas, I was playing with my Sissy closest in Age, and I tierd  to jump on her, We we're playing arond paddles  of Water, With  Shell's, Clam's, And as I Landed, I landed Right on a Clam,  Correct. Clam Chowder in my foot,

 My oldest Sister Grabbed me, And carried me back up, Foot all Bloody , Laid me on a Beanch as I laid down watching as People walked Past Terrified by what was happening that day at that Sunny Beach, 

Why of all the times I Ruined A Perfectly Good day,Not intenting to, But I felt so Guilty, After that my Sister's didn't  dare take me places without Mom and Dad after that,I Soon felt like thay all just didn't like being with me.

 So when I went through, on May, 13th, 2018 a Brain injury. I Started Re-Focusing my mind Set because it's Really all about our Mindset anyway, My BoyFriend yelled at me Reciently, Stop saying you can't and say you Can, And it hit me

I Stoped Believing in me, and I need to get that back...

 

Standing in a dark room,  I know I have to face Reality ok, I'm ok with who I am, More now after post after post's on a page On F-B i do Called C-P Headstrong. But am I, As  I walked in a Room full of Thosse with C-P, DOWN SYNDREM,AUTISM,  , Shy, Afraid of what i'd see,   would  it be herself  YES!! I was one of the many there.i saw i was no Diffrent.   I  understand  myself better now at almost 24. Why  I do what  I do,   ,Why all the one's i tried to get close to soon Left.,  I  wanted, wanted  so bad  to know why I was so Un-Loved Un-Seen, What's wrong with  me ,    Back to Childhood day's I was ok as long as  I hid my own Identity and that you should never feel like you have to do,   Accept you, Acceptence of yourself is key.

 however For so long now. Those with Cerebral palsy, And any other Disorder  It start's Within and Allow Jesus to step in and make that mindset His will for your life.

   Appreciate yourself again, and again, Be willing to walk into that Room,  like i did.that said , Your one of us, I can't say I'm ok with anything in my life, But I wanna Try at least, From what I can Remember the Morning I got hit, I was looking for a way to Accept it, By looking into Disabled Housing, I was moving forward yet I wasn't Settled with the Idea, I'm still Very Mild, CP, And I just want to know the Reasoning behind my life? Why are Some Forced to living 100% limited Physically, and Mentally, I feel like I have it, 50% most the time, But I fell all my high school year's and I still am falling in that same black hole, And no I don't wanna be on medication

But I wanna stop falling and I'm done hoping for something new, I'm not inmune to get on the road of this painful Journey, But I'm not running anymore at least,  my Accident I know before this Moment I needed to Talk .

 

 

 God gives you what you can Handle,  it may seem like you can't handle it,But with  HIS HELP YOU CAN.   What that Mean's  is maybe Putting yourself all out for the Sake of  those few people,who May   wanna get closer to you? I    To Really See how Your Season of Life could change  someone's mindset, Continue  hoping ,  When it feel's all you  have is Hope,  Hope is always Shut-up, Along, life  at times. being on Hold, much to long because you'd rather look at their Wrong's and not your Own...    care for them Even if it feel's like  But no one seems to care about you, GOD DOES. , I hope it changes it for those like me,  how, I wish I wasn't a Believer, At times  I'm Nervous, I'm unsure, And My Heart is always longing for more, I'm Afraid to be Honest my life keeps on turning' Twisting, Won't stop moving so fast, I feel like Glass, That will Fall then Break again are all of us with Cerebral palsy like that, Or Maybe If That hit was Harder I'd be Saved from all the Pain,  My only ease out of it is Writing, It's all I can Be for other's While I Write, I Pray and Follow God, and I Am

 I don't know anymore what I can do in this Life, Who I can Trust and open up with, Everything is a fog, And I need Dreams I feel, What if it's not gonna be able to wake me, Or be Realistic, I'll be Stuck again and no I don't want pills to cure my Depression I wanna feel with every Fiber of my soul!! But I want to see Reality instead of my Mind, Making myself Happy by Creating what's not Happening at the Moment, I'm Terrified of myself Really all my mental capacity makes me feel Crazy, It doesn't Help like it could, And I know there's  A Million  just like me, But we need to be ok with  us   just being us, Stop lacking   knowing that.  Acceptence!! is what we all need... I know it,   I will fight to Learn How to, as i hope you all will do.

It feels like I was out of Love with Life, For a Long time, I didn't Realize How much I felt,  Really

Nor did I ask for help I never Did, I just went with the Flow the Flow of Heartbreak, Depression, Rejection, Loneliness, Numbness,To Be Honest it become my Friend, Misory Loves Company,That was me for a Long time,And Now Phase 2 of Saying Goodbye. As I Imbrace my Identity in Christ more I Realize, I started to Blame God a Little to much for Creating me Disabled, My Sister told me a Couple week's ago God did not make this Happen, Yes, He Allowed it, But He made a Way to use it for the Good of HIS Kingdom, If your Gonna Blame anyone, Blame the

Devil,,I Spent a Good percent of My Life, Blaming everyone but Him,My parents, My Brothers, My Sister's, My Friends,, The Random Stranger Starring at me in a Grocery Store, Even Church Pasters and the Staff there,Then I Realized at a Church Conference well, Leading up to it, We can Complain, Blame all we Want,But by continuing so It doesn't add to our Lives,It takes away, As I started my Page, CP, Headstrong, To uplift those Doing this in thier Lives, I found after a Year of Boasting and taking pride in myself, I'm the Exact same way I've been ruining myself and my life!! God Didn't make us Disabled, To feel we get liperty to act out? That's Basically what we tell ourselves, Oh, Well I can just do it, Cause I deserve something in life, Everyone Owes me anyway, No, You, Yourself Owe God!!! If we all Continue this Mindset, We Take advantage of the Goodness Christ Has for us, Not seeing the Big Picture, God Said, Love one another as I Have Loved you, So What was I doing I was Dwelling on my Disability Rather than HIS ABILITY and Who He says I am, One of my Pastors came up during Worship and Told me Everything God Says I am,And See's in me, I almost Cried and then Realized I haven't been Listening to who He says I am,, Anymore,But Lies of The Devil, and in my Heart I was always Justifying it, Making Excuses,If not outwardly, Inwardly to!!

So for Change of Focus, We First  need to Admit we  have a Problem with our Focus, Like in Fighting we have to Focus on the Terget, Same with our Personality, If we wanna Win at this Game of life, We need to make a Decision, We need to be Wise, Not just do what's Easy for us to do, It wasn't Easy for my Mom, I'm , She was sexually abused, as a Girl throughout her adult Year's untill she met my Dad at a, Sac, Ward She could've stayed in the Zone of Blaming everyone for what her life came to, But she Didn't, She In Fact gave it to God, And said I am more then what was done to my lifes Story. She didn't let Her Mindset stay that way and She had every  Reason to!!   Soon after thay met in that Sac, Ward  Thay Marriad and had 8 Beautiful Babies,  We can do something 

Great, In this life we have if we Change our Mindset, If we Allow the Nitty, Gritty Stuff we have in life to Transform us not Destroy us, As I sat in Church Listening to My Pastor Speak on the War that is our life,We have Weapon's to use in our Favor!!

Maybe we just need to tell ourselves I can, Give ourself the Encouragement we all need, But often lose the Focus, In the Up's and Down's of life.,Like walking  across a Tightrope,You have to Focus on the Robe, One  Mess up could Indanger you, And  make you Fall, For my Mom it was like that, One Mess up in the Beginning Could've costed her what she has Now,  

it's up to our Inner-Self, how our life is, Some thing's, We can't Control, But we don't have to Let  those thing's Control us

We can be Headstrong, And Strongwilled in  all the Right way's, Or  all the Wrong way's. I was Headsrong and Strongwilled in all the Wrong way's, It didn't help me Nor will it help you, To Accept yourself we have to let go of What we can't do, Who we can't be,Be willing to Learn New Way's, Take new Step's, Like a New Year's Resolution, Life'Long Resolution's 

Our life isn't Pain Free but God Gives us Freedom even in Pain!!

 

The odd thing is.life. It hasn't Popped my Ray of Sunshine

I can't be what I wanna be so much IN LIFE. I'm Content as a Bunny now.....the odd thing is I'm Unmedicated and Content, With Jesus by our side we Can do it Weather or not we Choose to Medicate, Not everyoone need’s it, And it’s become our God, We Medicate sometimes even just  to cure our Pain, And seeing this in the Disabled Community is so Beyound me as to Why/What’s Wrong with us looking to the Heaven’s to cure our Pain, Surely Jesus wen’t through the Worst of it, And He Understand’s, He Make’s it Less Painful, If we Trust Him to do it,He will maybe not Completly, But It’s better then being Medicated if not Neccacery, Medicated if not Neccacery, is Dangerous it take’s life From you, Jesus give’s Life and He Comfort’s us every Step of the Way, If a Church has Wronged us in Some Wave of Healing as some may call it Forgive them. Jesus is not gonna take it all away as He Did as He Walked this Land, But we Hanged Him on a Cross,, Therefore He Doesn’t Heal’Completely all the Time, Nor can it be so, Like it was  those Day’s while he was on land. At Age, 8, I Was in the Car  with my Mom Asking Question’s about God, To my Surprise, Yes He was Real!! I Reamember sitting  the Backseat Inviting Him in, And No,It didn’t make me not go through all those Accident’s but 

I’m so In Love with Him I Don’t care, I Need peace in the Most Wonderfull. Most Doable way

And I wanna make it Known,Our Cure is Christ First, If Medication isn’t a huge Need,it’s not needed you Can go without it, I’m Living Proof, And I Wanna Reach those Feeling like it’s a Hopeless Journey!! At time’s I do feel it. No Lie’s but we can do it Completly Whole if we want it, This is For those who are More Able, And Desirve more... Some People Really use it as a Esscape, But at 24 year’s old, Mild C-P Ataxia, Brain Bleed Surviver I can fully say I  Don’t Demoun the Fect I’m  Unmedicated Whatsoever, Still no Regret’s and Proud of it. If I can do it so can you!! So many of us I feel need this, We don’t have to do this on our Own, In Fact Jesus did not Make you to, He made us to Love Him, Ourselves, And other’s  It’s up to us if we can push us aside,And instead Fight for us, If we Fight for Who we are, We Love. And Show Love, Showcaseing what he can do, Not what we can, Life is what we, Ourselves make it, Not Everything will be Easy, Nor Should it. Should we just Lay-Low and Shut up, No we are to look up.

 As One of my Song’s Sing..........

, Look up Child!!!!

Here’s a Poam I Wrote, 2/25/2020.

I will Trust you.

When Music Fades,

Colors Turn to Gray,

Let me not Hesitate to

Praise your Name!!

Messiah, The Great I AM,

Tho not one can Fully Understand what's to Come, Yet Many Nation's,And Congorgatins

Praise your Name!!!

And every

Tribe and Tongue Will confess

The Battle is Won, There will

be a Day of no more Sorrow,

Where we Join to Sing

Messiah,The Great I AM, No more Tomorrow's, Nor Looking for a Lover,

But being HIS own,

So take Cover in Knowing this Love Story Now, In the End

Every Knee Shall Bow, So let us Make

Him Known

.He's the King of Love,Prince of 

Peace King of Kings????

 

I’ve been a Writer Sense Shopmore year in Highschool and I haven’t Stopped, And I can Honestly Say it has Helped so much to just Empty myself,  And Let it go, If you Write Continue Don’t dare stop, Find a Quiet Place get a Cup of Coffee or Tea and let yourself be Free!!!

First I Challenge you if you hasn’t already Resarched your Disorder do it, I’m now after 21 year’s Abile to say I am proud of who I am and I’m in love with me. It’s more Fun to be me now I’m more Accepting, I Shut myself up less in Puplic, And I talk More it took 21 year’s to be more Free!! And it’s Worth it, To have the Freedom Christ want’s to so Freely Give us is our Duty in life to Gain for Us if we want life, We look up to the Life Giver!! The Way we’ve been Treated by Many, That’s not what God’s Commandment Told us to do, his Commandment is Love one another as Christ has!! We as the Church have not Shown Christ’s Love.. Here’s a Spoken Word I Did  in 3/3/2020 

!!His First Commandment!!  

No amount of Voting is gonna change it for the Disabled community, 

 I'm full of Passion to Change it there, But who's with me in this Society

 We talk about saving those in other Nations? 

Saving those in Slavery, 

While you shut us up?

 The Rate of those who are Disabled Believing Jesus is Just as Low, 

We are Preaching Healing, But Jesus Healed Differently when He was alive..

 He could touch the Eyes of the Blind Man

 The Disabled could Reach out and Really Touch the Hem of His Garment,, 

Really,,Not by just having to Believe, Because we can't see him, And there's not one Deep,

In this Land Face to Face contact,With the Great 

I AM, 

He can not Heal how it was then? 

HE WILL NOT. 

How dare we Turn HIS Honey into Spice on a Wound,

 FOR those like me, But cannot Speak what I Can, Forgive me if this is to Deep? I'm not Trying to Get a Grand applouse

 I 

 Don't want those Disabled people, After Me, To live in a World so Cold and Judgmental to them, Who ARE WE, TO 

NOT SPEAK UP,WHO ARE WE TO SHUT UP

 WHO ARE YOU TO SAY, WE ARE NOT ENOUGH!!

Wake up Church our Walls are Dim, 

Reach out Like Jesus Did? 

We talk and don't do, We don't understand yet Preach like we Do, We Never will understand until we are. 

Face to Face with the Son of Man, 

We live, All Are Broken in this World,

And All are Disabled, Pieces of Body Parts, 

Only Because of Him, 

WE STAND, ONLY BECAUSE HIM, 

Those Pieces are of one, 

SO WHO ARE WE, WE ARE DUST,

NOT ONE IS BETTER OR FULLY TOGETHER!!! 

 WE HAVE THE FIRST MISSION TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS CHRIST DID

IF THAT ISN'T COMPLETED,NONE IS!!! It’s a Misconception to say Jesus Can Heal the Same way as He did before and I see, It’s Brought many of us so much pain/And Heartbreak.

That’s  not what God wanted for us, He had so much more  Planned for us as HIS SON’S AND DAUGHTER’S!! Just as my Mom’s Whole life she was just Looked at as Crazy for a While, Even after Raising 8 Beautiful, Kid’s, Our dad was never Blamed, For our Past just my Mom. Haha And as I’m pinned aginst my Sibling’s it still feel’s like a huge  Misconception,  I WASN’T WRONG HOWEVER For never once wanting to Focus on her Mentel Health,   It was a Misconception on what  we Focused on, We looked at what couldn’t be done and not what Could!! Revivel is our’s once we look only on  what we can do,Not what never  can be done,I can’t Drive I know those who can,  With this Disability I Want to Drive, But I’m not letting that stop me from doing what I can do, I have no Job I don’t  know if i’ll ever have that in life, But I’m not gonna keep on Focusing there! Let’s take What we are given Loving what we have in life, Cause The more we love the Little we have, We’re Learning to Accept us for who we are, It’s a big Step but it’s Rewarding. We can do it!!!! We have Small Thing’s to Help us in life, God’s Given us Tool’s, Like I’ve added my Poem’s for Inspiration here, We all have something we can do to Help us all, Whatever it is, Let that out with your True Self.....I’m Still in the  Process of Accepting me, And Funny I thank God for a Car hitting me cause now I  Suppurt this Disorder Fully, For Awarness, I shine a Light on it, Thanking HIM for who he made me to be!!    Knowing it’s up to me to make the Most of this Life, Disorder or not, We can still Accomplish what we Want, I saw Someone suppurting this Disorder Fully, Unashamed, And I knew what I wanted to do in life... I Wanted to be what I was Ashamed of, Being a Light to those suffering, Not knowing what to do Next?And a few year’s Later I got hit by a Driver, But  I endded up coming back and being that, Girl Suppurting this Fully,  it’s still a Struggle sometimes I feel like what am I doing? Then I Hear HIS Word’s you were made for this. In No way is our Life a Breeze or a Painfree one,  But we all have something to offer.. As I was shopping at a Goodwell this Lady stopped Behind me and Started saying I Cammand the Demon’s out of  you in Jesus Name’’ At First I thought  she’s was Jokinng so I  walked away and  there she came Again, Casting Demon’s out of  me, So I started Casting them out of her hah like I can do the same, I Chose   not to let that Harden my Heart and  not  just to Allow it.... I did to her what she was doing to me,  

Know how to make life Easier for you, If I didn’t  to the same to her, At least I don’t feel Ashamed of Myself. Feeling Shamefull for being you, Is not from J esus, So tell those Lie’s to Leave, Rebuke the Lie’s telling you,Your not Enough.. And stand Strong in your Battle of Life Be a Tool that He’ll use  to those around you, you know if I may be Honest Here, After Highshool I started Really Wondering- Almost Regrating not being put on Med’s Maybe it could’ve  been  esayier prehap’s I’d be  more Loved, My Sister’s might’ve felt more Comfortable with me!! I might be doing something in life at 23, I might have that Friend.. 

    To be Honest again 

I don't like being a advocate for this

I don't like how I feel so Strongly for those who are Disabled.

I Wish I Could go back to Hidding it

But I know that's not how I am to Live, I wish No one was

treated like just a Disabled with No Say, It make's me sick knowing that so many are Shut up by Every Nation and not Heard!!

  THIS IS SOMETHING PEOPLE NEED TO WAKE UP TO SO CLEARLY!!!!

John 9:2-7 - And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

We are a Blind People, To Disabled and the Killing of Unborn Exodus 21:22-25 22"If people are fighting and hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman's husband demands and the court allows. 23But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, 24eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, 25burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.

DO WE NOT SEE THE JUDGMENT THAT AWAIT'S US WE HAVE YET TO SEE IT ALL CHURCH'S!!!

Isaiah 60:1 1"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.

I Do Spoken Word as Well as Poetry!!!

Enjoy!!!!

I won't Break Anymore, I'll try Harder not to Scream.

But I can't Accept it,, And how can I, It's a Nightmare I live in, People see me as Some Disease, No one want's to get close to ,me,No one want's too see me for the Real me,

So Don't Ask me to Accept me Not in this life!!

For Year's I have Lived, To me, As Someone else.

And Prehap's HE doesn't want anyone living in Hiding

But to me, To Be the Real me is Terrifying, I can't live

While I feel myself sinking, Nor Will I, To the Whole World I Am just a Fucked up Disabled, part-ten MY cursing

Part'ten My Speech!!

I'm not saying Sorry this is Just me!!! I'm not Perfect ,And Now I'm just a little more Weak

But i'm Stronger for it, I'm Better for it, I'm more of a Fighter and I'll Speak the Truth

Those who live not Speaking it, Lose

I'm Buillet-proof and I Have Nothing to lose to you.

But to me. It's Everything I've Already lost a lot

So let me Allow my Everything to be a lot, By not fully accepting me. Prehap's it won't Kill me, But Tear Down

These Wall's that Hold me in

Prehap's it'll get my Word's Across to all Nation's.

We Speak on saving the Lost?

Tear your Sweet little World's Blinder's Down in every Town

We still don't see, What our First Mission was.

If you understand my Word's it End's over and over in every Nation with the Blood of our Own?

It's the Mission Unseen!! The Mission Not Home!!!!!

#disablityAdvogater #SpokenWordDoer!!!  

It’s all in front of us so Clear, We have Failed to see those Disabled as People  as Good  as Any, And we will be Judged for that. It’s no Greater then the Kelling of the Unborn both we take the Voice away...

Leading to us Breaking over simply being us...No Diffrent then Killing a Baby before  it can talk? And learn to walk..play with other’s at the park.

 I Don't Wanna Break Anymore for the life I live, I admit I am sailfish to the core, I don't wanna look at her or him as their body Fall's in, Cave's in, Give's out,I don't wanna see them when I can't even see myself!! I Don't wanna hear the cry's or shout's.

I cover my Face up with make-up, So I don't have to Face it, Truth is, I still don't Wanna take up my Cross,

Have I fought the Good Fight, Have I Paid Any Price?

I don't wanna Hear the Word's ''Love your Neighbor as yourself' I'd Like to say I am better then everyone Else!!

But the Fight within is not Leveled out to wanting help, And I hate myself more to be Honest!!

I've never been this Poor, Though I've Lived In Hotel's, I see myself as more Disabled now, And to me that is Bloody Hell!!

I Don't Wanna Live seeing myself, Or Asking for Help, I Don't Wanna Live this Live!

And I know It can't go away, Cause when they shouted, ‘Crucify YOU!

THEY DID!!! SO YOU CAN'T HEAL ME LIKE YOU USE TO, YOU CAN USE ME though,BY YOUR STRIPES I AM FORGIVEN AND THAT IS ALL THE HEALING WE WILL EVER NEED!!!!

SO THESE BONES WILL PRAISE YOU!!! i will open my Arm's AND TAKE YOU.

AS YOU TAKE ME AS I AM!!

IT'S A CELEBRATION TO PRAISE YOU, BUT LORD IT IS HARDER IN LIFE NOW I DON'T WANNA,

BUT YOU CARE TO HELP ME LEFT THESE HAND'S SOME

HOW!!!!

4/11/2020

As I was Awaken to my Mom Worn out and Exhusted again I couldn’t stop but Stear and Wonder what was a Matter my Mom 64 of Age, Still Tossing back in Forth in her Sleep,Yelling at me for Nothing when I wen’t to make sure she was ok again, Cause my Dad once again was on the Phone at 5;oo AM Talking Loudly and she didn’t like it at all... It Hit her Mental Statw witch was  stated  as Skitziphrenia, I  Tried everything I could to not think of my mom of having that,My Sister Reminded me before my Brain Bleed accured I went to my other Sister’s House trying to get to the Bottem of this Nightmare,I Could barely Deal with myself why would I   wanna Deal with this,Speaking that all my life I haven’t looked at  it But in order for us to Change our Focus we have to Deal with the Ugly in our lifes, And that can start a Revalution!!

My Heart’s Cry is for you to  wanna leave a legacy, As Nichole nordeman in her song put’s!!! It’s been a  Huge Inspiration to me, Why I’m being Able to Write this... That and God..

I Really Wanna start a Revavel for the Disabled Community, Something New for  us in life.

I’m sure God is wanting that to,  

Jeremiah 10;23 

LORD, I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps

HE WANT’S TO GIVE US NEW LIFE And for now,Prehap’s that isn’t the Perfect Body we all want. But if we Let him direct our step’s that’ll come Sooner then later if we Presist, Resist THE THING’S THROWEN OUR WAY, and Wait for HIS MOVE!! He want’s  to do what only he can do! And that mean’s we must Wait egerly, Dwell on Him not what we don’t have...I want more for us then  being Stuck on the What it, Dwelling on Cvhange instead of using the Tool’s God gave us all...

Honey

 

Lightning Running Through

There's Power not in Shutting up, Not in Denying your Right to Speak up!!

To let it in, And Breath and Choose to Speak what's Underneath it all.

Lose your Want's Your Need's, Your Desires, And Catch your Dream!!!

Honey is Good to the Touch, Never goes bed so be as such

Your Recognized, don't let it Spoil

Let your Honey Spill over!!

Arise And Shine, What is yours's, Is Not Mine.

Pull out what's been Behind These Closed Door's!!

Everyone has a Closed Box,Not Willing to Open

But Perhaps this is our Time, We are Chosen!!!

To Arise,.

Perhaps part of your Soul Has Died.

What do we have to Fear, Forsaking our Old Way's, Why not Run, Into the Unknown

Run Home, We don't go far.

All our Fault's.

All our Failure's.

It's Never to Late!!!! To be Awakened from Old Day's.

4/1612020

I like myself,So just Reject me More World.

Because I don't accept myself,I Believe I can't.

I Believe I can Continue this and Somehow make It less Painful.And in my Heart I still need it

,Like Pens an Needles Sticking in me!

I need to hate me,I say it to myself all the time

Basically,Truth is I'm Better if I would Accept me,But Truth also is I don't feel like I can, I've lived it to long, Feeling like I couldn't possibly tell anyone I'm Disabled because no one Wants to hear it, Have it, So I've decided I can't have it

and I don't need it

I Accept you with your Disability

But Don't make me Accept me

Because inside I can Not Accept this.

And yeah I got it all Wrong somehow, Allow me to.

I'll Never believe I'll need to

.......................

What is Revivel for us? Not Rejection, That’s Ugliness, Rejecting who God made you, Revival is  Not just knowing Jesus Is Truly for us, But Us Accepting US Truly too,

If we want Revivel we have to Love us, Accept us how Jesus Does

And be Willing to walk the Road he Has Chosen for us. Disabled or Not, We’re Disabled  but Not Unable!! The World Say’s we Can’t, God Say’s With Him anything Is Possible

and we are all in  a way disabled  And God still chooses us..