I NOW SAY SUPPORT ME DAILY!!!!! We've all had Dreams before, But whatever Dream I had in the past is inside the Door I'm stuck knocking at, And I want nothing more cause though it's just a door,it opens and holds my World, You see me here, But only from your View,She Screams Bullet proof, As she walks inwardly yet still Fears falling in a Dark hole all it is is Black she hates Black it reminds her of her past, But she's not staying there, The people around just don't see like she does, If I admitted I always Feared, Was always Depressed trying to impress them All my high school year's I spent there and the Mockery only brought me Closer in, Even though you could see it Wearing on my Skin and Bones I simply Didn't care, I was Depressed and in fact Fell in Love with it, At a young Age I figured Why should I Change Change Meant I needed it, And I don't need anything in my own little world it's all under my Control or though I had Thought, Really I lost it a while back, Nothing I took in life was Healthy for me, And I went after it still I crave it to this Day to be Upfront since the Girl who was Young wanted it, I still did at 20 I kept looking for something Wrong with me, But nothing is and ever was, I was just a Mild cerebral palsy Victum,
But now She's ok with that, Before I didn't know, At childhood I felt more Alone, Even growing up in a Family of 10, And being the only one with Cerebral palsy, I was to aware of it all, I prayed for Daily, Was To get my Intelligence level down, And Mental Wave, Then I saw a car chasing me, And I was trying to out run it, Like I did with everything in Life, But I went through, on May, 13th, 2018 a Brain injury..And now standing in a dark room, I know I have to face Reality ok, I'm ok with who I am, But am I, As she walks in a Room full of her own kind, Shy, Afraid of what she will see, Will it be herself she'll finally Meet, She doesn't understand herself why she does what she, Does ,Why all the one's she tried to get close to soon Leaves, She wants to know why is she Un-Loved Un-Seen, What's wrong with her, At 13 she was ok as long as she hid her own Identity as if She had to be Hidden, Had to keep it hidden cause they would Accept her, In hopes that that'll be, She lacked acceptence of herself however For so long now. Those with Cerebral palsy, And any other Disorder she got Cleared from being around them, for all these reasons, from the start, It was in her Heart, Her Soul,Control, like Memory fading, pushed away, for far too Long, It's as if she's finding her way again,, Like Ataxia,
wasn't enough, Could she Learn to Appreciate Herself again, Was she willing to walk into that Room, That just had a Black painted, Your one of us, Word across the wall In my Mind, And I can't say I'm ok with anything in my life, But I wanna Try at least, From what I can Remember the Morning I got hit, I was looking for a way to Accept it, By looking into Disabled Housing, I was moving forward yet I wasn't Settled with the Idea, I'm still Very Mild, CP, And I just want to know the Reasoning behind my life? Why are Some Forced to living 100% limited Physically, and Mentally, I feel like I have it, 50% most the time, But I fell all my high school year's and I still am falling in that same black hole, And no I don't wanna be on medication
But I wanna stop falling and I'm done hoping for something new, I'm not inmune to get on the road of this painful Journey, But I'm not running anymore at least, As 21 right By my Accident I know before this Moment I needed to Talk .
Why must I be such a caring person, It seems God's not answering me cause I keep asking Him to take that side of me Away.....
The last Person I cared for Blocked me, and I don't live for hearing about Peoples issues, but that all tell me there own, I have enough of my own,,
My Calling doesn't fit me Counselor'' And Don't tell me God gives you what you can Handle, I can't handle this isn't it enough how I live, I don't want more problems and I wonder Why I seek them out, she's not immune but she Acts that way putting herself all out for the Sake of Friends who May not even wanna get close to her? I don't see how this Season of Life could change it I hope, All I have is Hope, But my Hope is always Shut-up, Along with my life being on Hold, And I wonder if I'm a Good Christian, I care for them, But no one seems to care about me, I hope it changes it for me, But how, I wish I wasn't a Believer, I'm Nervous, I'm unsure, And My Heart is always longing for more, I'm Afraid to be Honest my life keeps on turning' Twisting, Won't stop moving so fast, I feel like Glass, That will Fall then Break again are all of us with Cerebral palsy like that, Or Maybe If That hit was Harder I'd be Saved from all the Pain, My only ease out of if is Writing, But I'm Exhausted from Writing, It's all I can do other than Pray and Follow God,
Please Help me Counsellor, I don't know anymore what I can do in this Life, Who I can Trust and open up with, Everything is a fog, And I need Dreams I feel, What if it's not gonna be able to wake me, Or be Realistic, I'll be Stuck again and no I don't want pills to cure my Depression I wanna feel with every Fiber of my soul!! But I want to see Reality instead of my Mind, Making myself Happy by Creating what's not Happening at the Moment, I'm Terrified of myself Really all my mental capacity makes me feel Crazy, It doesn't Help like it could, And I know there's Millions with This Disorder who would Love what I have, But I lack something,And maybe that's still Acceptence!! I know it, it so well. I will fight to Learn How to
But now She's ok with that, Before I didn't know, At childhood I felt more Alone, Even growing up in a Family of 10, And being the only one with Cerebral palsy, I was to aware of it all, I prayed for Daily, Was To get my Intelligence level down, And Mental Wave, Then I saw a car chasing me, And I was trying to out run it, Like I did with everything in Life, But I went through, on May, 13th, 2018 a Brain injury..And now standing in a dark room, I know I have to face Reality ok, I'm ok with who I am, But am I, As she walks in a Room full of her own kind, Shy, Afraid of what she will see, Will it be herself she'll finally Meet, She doesn't understand herself why she does what she, Does ,Why all the one's she tried to get close to soon Leaves, She wants to know why is she Un-Loved Un-Seen, What's wrong with her, At 13 she was ok as long as she hid her own Identity as if She had to be Hidden, Had to keep it hidden cause they would Accept her, In hopes that that'll be, She lacked acceptence of herself however For so long now. Those with Cerebral palsy, And any other Disorder she got Cleared from being around them, for all these reasons, from the start, It was in her Heart, Her Soul,Control, like Memory fading, pushed away, for far too Long, It's as if she's finding her way again,, Like Ataxia,
wasn't enough, Could she Learn to Appreciate Herself again, Was she willing to walk into that Room, That just had a Black painted, Your one of us, Word across the wall In my Mind, And I can't say I'm ok with anything in my life, But I wanna Try at least, From what I can Remember the Morning I got hit, I was looking for a way to Accept it, By looking into Disabled Housing, I was moving forward yet I wasn't Settled with the Idea, I'm still Very Mild, CP, And I just want to know the Reasoning behind my life? Why are Some Forced to living 100% limited Physically, and Mentally, I feel like I have it, 50% most the time, But I fell all my high school year's and I still am falling in that same black hole, And no I don't wanna be on medication
But I wanna stop falling and I'm done hoping for something new, I'm not inmune to get on the road of this painful Journey, But I'm not running anymore at least, As 21 right By my Accident I know before this Moment I needed to Talk .
Why must I be such a caring person, It seems God's not answering me cause I keep asking Him to take that side of me Away.....
The last Person I cared for Blocked me, and I don't live for hearing about Peoples issues, but that all tell me there own, I have enough of my own,,
My Calling doesn't fit me Counselor'' And Don't tell me God gives you what you can Handle, I can't handle this isn't it enough how I live, I don't want more problems and I wonder Why I seek them out, she's not immune but she Acts that way putting herself all out for the Sake of Friends who May not even wanna get close to her? I don't see how this Season of Life could change it I hope, All I have is Hope, But my Hope is always Shut-up, Along with my life being on Hold, And I wonder if I'm a Good Christian, I care for them, But no one seems to care about me, I hope it changes it for me, But how, I wish I wasn't a Believer, I'm Nervous, I'm unsure, And My Heart is always longing for more, I'm Afraid to be Honest my life keeps on turning' Twisting, Won't stop moving so fast, I feel like Glass, That will Fall then Break again are all of us with Cerebral palsy like that, Or Maybe If That hit was Harder I'd be Saved from all the Pain, My only ease out of if is Writing, But I'm Exhausted from Writing, It's all I can do other than Pray and Follow God,
Please Help me Counsellor, I don't know anymore what I can do in this Life, Who I can Trust and open up with, Everything is a fog, And I need Dreams I feel, What if it's not gonna be able to wake me, Or be Realistic, I'll be Stuck again and no I don't want pills to cure my Depression I wanna feel with every Fiber of my soul!! But I want to see Reality instead of my Mind, Making myself Happy by Creating what's not Happening at the Moment, I'm Terrified of myself Really all my mental capacity makes me feel Crazy, It doesn't Help like it could, And I know there's Millions with This Disorder who would Love what I have, But I lack something,And maybe that's still Acceptence!! I know it, it so well. I will fight to Learn How to
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